I had to call 911 last night. The call was prompted by the sudden onset of the most agonizing pain I have ever experienced, and I was certain that I was going to die from that pain, if not from the unknown condition that was causing it. During the next few hours I came into contact with several healthcare professionals, and I fear I may have behaved badly toward them. Since I don't know their names, I'd like to make my apologies public.

To the gentleman from the fire department who arrived first on the scene, who became quite annoyed when I couldn't relax my breathing to deep, slow breaths, and who then washed his hands of the whole business by telling me that he had done everything for me he was going to do so I might as well just make myself comfortable until other help arrived--I'd like to apologize. You see, sir, I wasn't trying to be disobedient. Perhaps someday you will be lucky enough to have an attack of chemical pancreatitis so that you will understand firsthand that deep breaths send racking, unbearable pain through your body. I really did try to follow your instructions, but it was difficult enough to just get myself off the floor, where I had been lying for 20 minutes.

To the group of healthcare professionals who were joking and chatting in the ER as I lay on the stretcher moaning for ten minutes before someone moved me to a room without uttering one word of encouragement--I'd like to apologize. I suspect it was difficult to carry on your lighthearted banter with someone sobbing loudly just three feet away, and I commend you for being able to maintain your concentration and do so. I hope none of you felt the need to hold my hand and tell me to hang on, because I certainly didn't want to interfere with your good time.

To the young woman who took down the insurance information and who became impatient when I couldn't answer her questions quickly enough, and who had to repeat one or two of them in a plainly irritated voice before I finally answered--I'd like to apologize. As I said, I really DO know my address, but you see, just at the moment you asked the question the first time, a severe bout of nausea swept through me, and I was trying to avoid vomiting, only because I thought the pain would intensify as a result--if that was even possible. I was grateful, however, to have your company since I had been left alone since my admittance more than 30 minutes earlier.

To the girl who transported me to the ultrasound room, and who ran the gurney into the doorways and walls three different times without saying she was sorry, each time sending shooting pain and nausea through me--I'd like to apologize. I should have spoken up to let you know how excruciating the pain was. I thought, perhaps, that the intense moaning that resulted each time you crashed me into the wall may have alerted you to my predicament, but I realize in hindsight that you probably couldn't hear me over your constant chatter to the new trainee.

To the nurse in the hall who complained that my admittance cut short her break--I'd like to apologize. Believe me, ma'am, I, too, wish I hadn't been there.

To the doctor who became visibly irritated when my sister asked how much longer it would be before I could have something for pain, and who snapped back, "Why? Why do you want to know?"--I'd like to apologize. My sister is the kindest soul in this world and she truly didn't realize it was a rude question, especially since she asked it so nicely. It's just that she had been standing by helplessly watching her little sister thrash about in agonizing pain for over an hour, and she wanted desperately to be able to offer some hope of upcoming relief.

To the nurse who gave me the IV pain medication and especially to the technician who administered the sonogram, I feel no need to apologize. They were both kind to me and treated me with respect, and I don't think I have anything to regret of my behavior toward them. It's with them in mind that I say the following to the others.

When you chose the healthcare profession, you made a personal and professional choice to offer care to people who will probably not be in the best of moods, given that they wouldn't need your services if they felt fine. Yes, I'm sure it's stressful, and I'm sure you all suffer at the hands of people who are short-tempered, in pain, confused or just plain mean. But I repeat--you made the choice, and with that choice came the responsibility to care for them in the kindest, most compassionate way that you can. You say you're overworked and underpaid? Aren't we all. You say you aren't treated with respect either and that you are stressed out by your own personal problems? Well, I truly am sorry, but I repeat: YOU made the choice. If you aren't able to administer with CARE, then do the world a favor and get out of the healthCARE profession. You don't belong there.